Cult Part 3
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Pastor Jack


The Och Cult



I noticed the glow in the Pastor's eyes. His stare bore into my skull, and I knew I was looking at a universal power. 'Give me your sins,' he commanded, reaching out for my carrier bag.

'But your honour,' I pleaded, 'this bag contains the only true friend left in life to me.'

Basil looked at me, his head bowed slightly, and his beak open. 'Charming, bloody charming,' he said, and I felt shame at his profanity which he'd picked in the squalid bars I had taken him into, where his trick with the nuts usually earned me a pint a two.



Pastor Jack Corporation Inc owns all copyright to all of his pictures, and I am only allowed to present this artist's impression here. Full colour photographs can be purchased from the Pastor Jack Foundation.

'The way of life is full of choices, and the path to damnation is paved with empty off licence carrier bags,' the Pastor argued.

I loosened my grip on the bag, and held my hand towards the Pastor. He took the bag from me, and took out the contents.

'I pure detest this stuff,' he said, his eyes glowing more and more brightly, 'but I shall consume it to remove this sin from you.'

So saying the Pastor unscrewed the lid of my bottle of Buckie, and downed the lot in a oner. A doubt arose in my mind, and I wondered if I was doing the right thing.

'You are doing the right thing,' said the Pastor, as if reading my mind.

'Cor blimey,' said Basil, and I cursed the way he had spoiled the moment.

The Pastor's face began to glow in sympathy with his eyes. I thought to myself, 'he be drunk, and he be drunk on my alcohol.'

As if to counter these concerns, the Pastor looked me in the eye, and said, 'I detest alcohol, and the pain it causes yet I love my fellow man so much I am prepared to risk my own entry to the glory of the after life to save you in your pathetic lifestyle.'

'Oh that's all right then,' replied Basil, and I had no energy left to curse him at all..


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