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Brookside
Episode 20 Brookie episode 20 The story so far........ In a desperate attempt to introduce new blood and humour, the script writers have dreamt up some ideas to buck up the story lines.
3 new characters have been introduced. Posh lawyer, Posh Doc and Posh Vic. Posh lawyer is a 2 dimensional character of dubious acting ability who fulfills every stereotype known to the class system. Posh doc is a sporty rugger balled type of chap who practises medicine (and might even get good at it - oh the old jokes are the best). Posh Vic is a woman who has fallen out of love with Posh Accountant Type who is also a bit of a rugger type. They are all very middle class types having been at Uni together where they all studied Wooden Acting and Stereotyping (Joint Hons).
Meanwhile Ron and Anthea have got married, Rachael is with child, father believed to be Mike, Jacqui is dating Posh Lawyer and Susannah and Greg are having carnal knowledge the one of the other.
Musgrove family have been having a busy time. Niamh has been protesting for months that Luke didn't do it. We re-open this story line with a visit to the court.
Judge- Well well well, Luke Musgrove you are charged with unlawful shagging of Nikki Sahdders, drugging her and escaping from prison. Luke - Oi didn't do it Shadwick family (from public benches, in unison) Oh yes you did Luke - Oh no he didn't Shadwicks- Oh yes you did Judge - Stop stop stop. This is a court of law not a two bit pantomime [Camera man sniggers, and is heard whispering to his mate 'could've fooled me' He doesn't rate the scripts having once worked for the BBC and feeling a bit superior.] Ma Musgrove - My boy didn't do it Luke - See yer honour, me ma says I didn't do it. Judge - (caught suddenly on camera adjusting her false teeth with her tongue) - Enough, on with the trial. (Scene ends with Judge taking her false teeth out, and laying them next to the gavel) (Next scene - The Chippie. Sinbad is scraping mould of the pies) Tinhead - are yer sure they're all right like that? Sinbad - Yes I'm sure. I miss my Ruthie you know tinhead - yes but...... Sinbad- She's my baby you know, my Ruthie Tinhead - but the pies the pies they're 6 weeks out of date. I'm worried about the pies. Sinbad - Don't worry about the pies. If you had just lost your daughter by a woman who murdered her husband and buried the body under the patio you'd know what worry is. Tinhead - Well if you're sure. Now these mushy peas that I dropped down the toilet by mistake......... shall I fish them back out? (Scene closes with a pie walking off the set of its own accord. As a member of The Campaign for Real Acting Pies [CRAP] he feels insulted at having Sinbad's nose in his meat.)
(Next Scene Susannah's. Susannah is busy shouting at Trine, who is blowing on her nail varnish to dry it.)
Sus - ..and I come home here and you've been in for 14 hours alone with my two children, one of which was conceived naturally to a man whom I was married to then wasn't then was and now am not, well i am but we' ll get divorced I'm sure, and the other one of which o bought of Miss Piggy's cousin Jackie Dixon, and i find that you haven't cut the grass haven't cleaned the car haven't done the ironing and haven't repapered the bedroom. I mean for goodness sake girl, you need a shake up. Trine - Yet, I'm going to be a model yer knows. Long as I keep me gob shut, the guy says. Susannah - You'll have to go out tonight. I'm expecting action man to leap the fence and make a naughty girl out of me. (Scene ends with Trine screwing the cap on the nail varnish bottle. The camera closes in on it, and we see the colour is called Brookside Blues. We, the viewers, can understand.)
(Next scene the court) Prosecutor.... and you lost a button that night Mr Musgrove, did you not Luke- Oi did, but she pulled me shirt and it popped Prsecutor Mr Musgrove this is a court of law. You must not use foul language to describe your sexual pleasure. Luke - Oi didn't do a ting Judge - (through toothless gums) A ting, Mr Musgrove? Prosecutor - He means a Thing your honour. It's his Irish accent Judge- Very well carry on Member of Jury - oooh Matron, I say….. Judge - Silence in court Luke - (hanging his head) oi didn't do it, but this place is like a mad house. Oi'm going to jail, for sure…
Scene ends with a close up of the jury member, peering down his nose in his best Kenneth Williams manner. Music and credits.
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