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Sandal Sharpening Day

On Tuesdays, we sharpen our sandals. This is a crucial part of the success of the Cult. Sandals, whilst appearing innocuous to the uninitiated, hide pointed and sharpened toes and heels. The sharp toes allow us to defend ourselves against sinners should they prove to be unco-operative, and they also tend to slide into door frames as doors are slammed in our faces when we do out door to door witnessing.

Here you see me wearing the Sacred Shoes, which are the cold weather equivalent of our sandals. They too get sharpened, and if you look closely at the toes, you'll see the sharpened toe points.

  Many people don't take kindly to opening their front doors to two people dressed in habits. After they overcome the initial shock, sometimes our opening lines cause people offence.

The Pastor has taught us to say (in unison, whilst pointing at the householder):

Sinner, alkie, whore ye are
Ye need help, ye've gone too far
Sinning is awful, ye be pure bad
Thy filthy ways will make ye sad.

Fornicating feels good at first
Drinking never cures your thirst
Smoking one and then another
Ye need help from our Pastor brother.

Filthy beast, ye'll rot in hell
Pastor Jack can make you well
Look at ye, what a state
Give up thy sins, we all await.

There are several more verses, but we don't always get the chance to recite them all. This is often when we slide our sharpened sandals into the doorway to stop the door from closing. 

Saving sinners is hard work, and can be a dangerous job. But we must do it. We must. Pastor Jack has said so.

Mondays Chanting
Wednesdays Pastor Worship