|
All hail the Pastor.
Pastor Jack is the leader of the Cult of Life. He saves
souls, and allows pitiful pathetic sinners to redeem their wasted lives.
His church - the Church of Life (incorporating Pastor Jack Enterprises Ltd)
has over 300 members.
Members are all former sinners. Only sinners can join,
and all sinners must renounce their vices in order to pass through the cleansing
portal.
This sounds difficult, but Pastor Jack makes it easy
for us. He takes our sins from us, and adopts these as his own. Only Pastor
Jack is strong enough to face up to the devil and he smokes, drinks and
copulates on our behalf. He makes this sacrifice in order to save our souls,
knowing that he risks his own place in the hereafter life by doing so.
As members of the Cult of Life, we:
-
organise
soup kitchens
-
sell our
newspaper (The Cult Cry) in pubs
-
wander
the mean streets looking for lost souls
-
witness door-to-door
-
worship Pastor Jack
-
renounce our right to worldly
gain
-
sing and dance
-
eat sticky buns and drink
lemonade when we've been good.
Our main activity is to capture sinners and to take them along to the
Church. At the Church, we present our catches to the congregation. Pastor
Jack stands at his podium, and delivers his verdict on the sinner. For example,
to a middle aged business man, he recently declared:
'Ye be a sinner, a fornicator and a whore master. Ye be a drunk and
ye think filthy thoughts of thy best friend's wife. Ye be damned lest I save
you. I can save you for only half of your weekly
income.' He's a good man is Pastor
Jack.
Pastor Jack at his dynamic best.
|
